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Located in Albuquerque, New Mexico, U.S.A. (MOVEMENT THERAPY)

At age twelve, I dreamed of becoming a classical guitarist. I was inspired by hearing the great Spanish classical guitarist, Andres Segovia. After ordering music I had heard on a Segovia recording, I couldn’t wait until the mailman delivered the music, so I could create the sounds myself.

I loved to practice and I practiced constantly! I loved music passionately, I loved playing the guitar, and I was going to make a career as a classical guitarist. I played a full concert by age fourteen–as Segovia had–but by age twenty-three, I couldn’t play anymore. In a period of eleven years, I had gone from inspiration to depression.

When I was twelve, no matter what else was going on in my life, I had my music. Music was central to my joy. Music sustained me and gave meaning to my life. Because of this, it was going to fail me. Instead of being the icing on the cake, it became the cake.

Nothing can sustain our happiness if we aren’t loving to ourselves. I once asked a pianist to choose between two wishes. Either she could be the greatest pianist who ever lived or she could be in a state of constant, divine joy. She chose being the greatest pianist. I believe she thought that being the greatest recognized pianist in the world would guarantee her constant joy. This just isn’t so. The only way to be happy constantly is to love ourselves.

I was a perfectionist on the guitar. If I didn’t play perfectly, I got horribly angry at myself. At times, I kicked the stand across the room and screamed at myself. I could not spend a lifetime demanding perfection from myself without losing my inspiration and energy. When something inspires you, your life energy rises. Life has a grand meaning. If you sacrifice yourself in any way for what you love, then your life energy drops. Over time, it will drop to the point that you resist practicing, and then what you once loved ceases to inspire you.

What is inspired musical performance? What is inspired musical practice? They are acts that bring great joy to your heart without sacrificing your body or yourself. Is it hard work to play inspired day after day? It is at first. However, it is infinitely harder work to play day after day only because it is what you have done most of your life.

I taught a workshop at a conservatory for students between the ages of fourteen and twenty-four. I asked them why they played their instruments or sang. There was dead silence. I cajoled them, and they eventually gave answers like, “I’ve done it all of my life, I want to make a living at it.” Not one student said, “I love music. It makes me happy. It makes me cry. It gives meaning to my life. I can’t live without it. It opens my heart.” How sad; to be as good as they were they all had to have played for these reasons originally.